I’m going to give you all a pro-tip right now. DO NOT GO TO THE 16TH STREET MALL WHEN YOU ARE IN DENVER. Denver is great, but for some reason, a lot of tourists have a tendency to go to this area of the city when they’re visiting. It’s a huge mistake. Here are some reasons why:
Bums – I’m a liberal person. I really am. I feel strongly that there should be a safety net in place for people if they lose their job or if they cannot earn enough money to support themselves. That being said, I cannot stand homeless people.
I know, I know, they may have mental issues or other problems, but I’m sorry, I am not just giving my money to some guy sitting on the sidewalk with a cardboard sign! That’s bullshit!
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Denver isn’t as bad as other cities out there in terms of the total population of homeless (I’m looking at you, San Francisco), nor are the homeless here THAT crazy (like they are in New York). However, there are still a shitload of them all over. They make me feel uncomfortable, and frankly, unsafe sometimes.
Feces – Like literal shit. Yeah, it’s all over the place downtown. And I’m not just talking about dogs and cats and rats! There’s human shit on and around 16th street.
Fun fact: I used to work at TCF Bank on 16th street here in Denver and there were multiple mornings when we would open the foyer to the branch where the ATM was located, and there would be piss and shit all over the place. Fuck that.
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Restaurants – They’re garbage. Seriously, I can’t think of a single restaurant located directly off 16th street that’s worth going to. I recently gave one of the a shot again (The Paramount Cafe), and it was truly terrible. It also smelled like poop when I was leaving.
Stores – Also garbage. Most of the stores on 16th street are bullshit souvenir shops. Of the hundreds of stores along the mall, there are only a handful worth going into: Uniqlo, Tattered Cover, H&M.
Street Urchins (different than the bums) – Perhaps you are unfamiliar with the street urchin brand of homeless person. Unlike the mentally disabled homeless people that live on the street. The street urchins seem to travel around in groups and live… somewhere. Most of them seem like they listen to punk, they often have cell phones (which makes me think they are getting money from somewhere), and they almost always have a dog with them or near them. Their outfits are commonly torn jeans, some kind of denim or other patched-up jacket, tattoos, tan from sitting around outside all the time. Anyway, fuck these kids. They make me feel uncomfortable when a whole pack of them asks for money to feed their dog(s) and they smell awful.
Violence – A couple years ago, it was a popular thing for younger people to target people walking down the street and then run up from behind and PUNCH THEM IN THE FUCKING HEAD!!!! No joke. This was a thing that was going on in Denver. Pretty unsettling tbh.
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People asking for my money (Greenpeace, etc.) – These are the people with clipboard that try to say something clever to you as you walk down the street. The key is to ignore them completely. All they want to do is guilt-trip you into donating for their cause that they themselves don’t even give a shit about. You know how I know this? One of best friends used to do it! Seriously. These organizations post ads online that say “Entry-level marketing position” and then they have you out there begging and shit. Fuck all that.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to donate money if and when you can. I personally support the ACLU and Planned Parenthood with monthly donation, but that’s because I chose to do it. Not because some dickhead with an envelope told me the orangutans are dying because we all want coconut oil or some shit. Fuck. Leave me alone! I just want to go eat some pizza.
Anywho, it’s been a couple weeks since we posted, but things will slow down at work here in a little bit, so look for more posts from me trying to not be fat.
Cheers!
Los Borrachos Denver 